


Too Much

by dratiniwrites



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Cussing, Gay Keith, Keith and Shiro are cousins, Kissing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Stupid Boys, a lot of them are just mentioned - Freeform, also these have no particular order im just tagging as i remember things sorry, bc keith trans, bi lance, but i feel like i should tag them bc they still play a part, death mention, drug mention, gay realization, keith is half korean-japanese btw, like oh boy the angst, like they swim a lot, not eating due to loss, one part can be taken sexually but that wasnt the intention at all btw, shiro and adam's relationship is mentioned, they swim, trans keith, trans worries, weed mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dratiniwrites/pseuds/dratiniwrites
Summary: Keith continues to worry over Shiro's disappearance, so he locks himself up to grieve.  The others are worried about him, but a certain blue boy tends to worry more.They realize things.yeah im not good at these it's a continuation of my last fic though it's not necessary to read the last one to understand this one
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 63





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh hi!! i hope yall like this  
> i wrote it on impulse while missing the boys  
> i just,,, i care them deeply  
> but yeah! my tags have most of the possible tw's i could think of and what i wrote down while writing the fic itself  
> if you seen anything that you think needs to be tagged feel free to let me know! i dont want to accidentally trigger something in someone

Keith stared up at the ceiling of his room. It felt empty. Sure, the others were having fun, but did they even care? Shiro was gone.

Shiro was _gone_.

Keith gritted his teeth and tried to will the tears away. He spent his whole time at the Garrison trying to find his older brother again. Years spent together after being taken in by Shiro and Adam were swept away by Shiro's decision to go to space. Adam never spoke to Keith after except for when Shiro went missing.

_"We both know about... Takashi," Adam started, voice cracking. "I'm so sorry for not talking to you. I was just so frustrated with him. I'm so sorry, Keith. I shouldn't have cut you off."_

_"It's okay, Adam," Keith said, emotionless, and turned to him. "I'm going to find him. He's not dead."_

_Keith watched as Adam's face screwed up and he burst into tears. Keith let Adam pull him into a hug and both of them sobbed in the office._

Keith shut his eyes as tightly as possible.

"He's not dead. He _can’t_ be dead," he whispered as tears broke through.

He rubbed at his eyes and sighed shakily. He pulled the blanket over his head and just stared into the nothing.

Adam never meant to hurt him. He knew that, but every time that memory struck his chest felt tight. Adam, Shiro's precious Adam, left him after Shiro supposedly died in space.

Tears slipped out.

They were both hurting at the time. Keith knew that. The situation grabbed them by the throat and held them there and laughed in their faces. The man who brought together a sort of ragtag family was lost to space, possibly dead.

A sob broke loose.

Keith knew Adam would never admit it, but he missed Matt almost as much as he missed Shiro. Adam had asked for a position change after Matt and Shiro went missing.

His breathing became shallow with his sobs.

Keith thought about how the four of them would get into loads of trouble at the Garrison. Matt would scheme and plan it out while Shiro and Adam executed the plan as Keith distracted the other soldiers. It's a wonder the headmaster didn't lose his mind with the four of them running wild.

Suddenly, a knock sounded at his door.

Keith quickly wiped at his eyes and dragged his hands down his face to rid any tear tracks.

"What?" he said sharply, trying to pretend he was not just crying.

"Uh," the other said, "Lance is worried about you. He won't say it, but I can tell."

It was Hunk. Ever the emotional distress detector within the group.

Keith groaned.

"I'm fine, Hunk," he responded. "I'm just tired."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure?"

Hunk opened the door and walked in.

"Oh, buddy, this room is a mess. You haven't really left it other than for essentials these past few days. You're not fine."

"Yes, I am."

"This is what Lance was worried about. He said you aren't even in the training room anymore to take out your frustrations."

"Hunk-"

"You know, he's been the one leaving food and water by your door with those little cheesy notes."

_He has? Wait, no, focus._

"Hunk, please-"

"Lance constantly asks everyone in the castle if they've seen you. We haven't, of course, but he still wants to know. I swear, he's like a lost puppy without you-"

"HUNK!" Keith gritted out. "Please, leave. I can't right now, okay? Shiro is gone, and he was the only fucking family I had after my dad died. I can't right now. Shiro was all I had, and he's _gone!_ "

Hunk stared at Keith with wide eyes and an open mouth. His gaze quickly shifted into something softer and more understanding.

"Hey, I get it. We've all been a mess without him. It's okay for you to be sad about it. I'll tell Lance to chill out. I'll just say you've exhausted yourself from the training deck. Sound good?"

"I- yeah, thanks. It means a lot, Hunk," he nodded.

Hunk nodded in return and left the room.

Keith stared at the ceiling and his cheeks reddened. Lance did all of that?

_He seems to care a lot. Does he... like me? No, impossible. He's too far up Allura's ass to even look my way. But, what he’s doing is really nice._

Keith grinned to himself and huffed before turning over and falling to an easy sleep for the first time in days. Someone cared about him enough to subtly take care of him, and that was enough.

~~~

Keith woke the next morning with a groan. His eyes were sore and felt awful, crusted over. It was not just sleep sand.

He carefully rubbed at his eyes and winced when a sharp one scratched him. He felt his way to the bathroom and ran water on his hands before carefully rubbing at his eyes. It was easier, but it still fucking sucked.

His mind drifted back to Shiro, Matt, and Adam. Adam would scold him for not cleaning his eyes before sleeping. Shiro would be worried as to why he even cried in the first place. Matt would simply offer him weed and stoner food and a game or movie night.

_God, I miss getting high,_ he thought with a sigh.

He brushed his teeth. He had to be somewhat presentable.

Keith staggered back into his room and changed clothes slowly. His frame was thinner, but not by much. Regardless, he was not eating well. The food Lance left for him was nice. He just had no appetite due to being in distress of losing all of his found family within months.

Found Shiro. Through Shiro, he found Adam and Matt. He lost all three of them at once. Somewhat found Adam again. Lost Adam. Found Shiro. No Matt. Lost Shiro.

_A vicious cycle,_ he thought while pulling up a new pair of pants.

His door suddenly opened.

_Fuck!_ Keith yelled internally. His chest was not covered properly.

"Hey, Keith- oh, OH! Woah, sorry!" Lance yelled while exiting quickly and closing the door.

Keith's breathing quickened. No one knew other than his found family. He could not let Lance tell the others. He quickly pulled a shirt on to hide the scars under his pecs and opened the door.

Lance was still there.

_Thank God._

Keith grabbed Lance by the arm and dragged him into his room as he yelped in surprise. He dragged and pushed Lance onto his bed and stood in front of him.

Lance's face was bright red.

"I'm sorry, dude. I didn't mean to walk in while you were changing. I'm really sorry." The words rushed out of his mouth.

"Wait, you didn't see?" Keith asked, confused.

"See what?"

Keith's face froze in embarrassment and shock.

_Fuck me runnin'._

"Keith, what didn't I see? You're not... doing anything to yourself, are you?"

"What- no, God, no- I just... fuck, I don't know. Give me a moment." Keith groaned and hid his face in his hands.

So, turns out Lance _did not_ see the scars under his pecs. Great. How the fuck was he supposed to explain this now?

He could play it off. Act cool about it. Just say he has small nipples or something. Say he was just skinny and not as buff as the rest think he is.

Lies.

Lies do not build friendships or new found families. Lies create problems.

Perhaps the truth would not hurt for once, but there was just so much going on.

"Hey, leader," Lance said softly while poking Keith's arm, "I don't know what you're really dealing with, but I'm worried about you. I don't know what sort of thing you're talking about me seeing or not, but it doesn't matter. I'm worried about your brain, not your body."

Keith's eyes welled up immediately.

_Fuck Lance and his niceness._

Too nice for his own good. A smooth talker.

Keith peaked from between his fingers. "You're not here to make fun of me?"

"What the hell? Of course not! You're the leader. You're not doing well at all. You've been suffering in your room all alone," Lance groaned. "It's driving me insane not seeing you around or talking to you. The rest of the crew aren't doing well either. I know you miss Shiro, but you gotta realize, we all do. We need you, and you need us. We're a fucked up family out here. We can't just fall apart. I know some things are easier to deal with alone, but it's been weeks, Keith. I'm worried."

Keith stared at Lance and tears fell.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Did I overstep?"

Keith shook his head and sat next to Lance.

"No, you're right. We're all grieving. I should've gone to one of you guys sooner," he said softly.

Keith looked at Lance. His gray eyes dug deeply into those blues.

"I'm here for you," Lance said softly.

"I know. Same goes to you," he responded.

"Do you need anything? I noticed you haven't been eating."

Fuck.

"Uh, how did you know?"

"I've been leaving you food- oh," Lance suddenly blushed, realizing what he was confessing to.

"To be honest, I thought it was Hunk."

"Please, Hunk can't come up with half of the bad jokes I put on those notes," Lance grinned. "But, you hardly ate what I brought you. Have you been drinking anything?"

Keith shook his head, ashamed.

"Well, how about this, tonight we sneak out and I cook for you. I'll bring you water after I leave and put it by your door. We can swim later and talk or not talk. Whatever you wanna do to cope."

Keith stared at him.

"I'd like that."  
  
~~~  
  


Lance did as he told Keith which was greatly appreciated on Keith’s end. He didn’t have to leave to be taken care of. He could get used to it if it were not for a nagging voice telling him that it doesn’t mean anything.

They were just friends. Well, not even that. They were forced to be teammates by the universe. By fate.

_Oh, God, that’s so cheesy. I need to stop before I dig in too deep._

Would it be a bad thing to dig too deep? He never really considered this before. Lance taking extra care of him was definitely doing something to him. Made his chest squeeze and heart flutter. Those eyes looked bluer and brighter when it was only them talking. Those freckles on his cheeks stood out more when it was only them. His dimples seemed to show up more when they were the only ones talking together. His skin seemed softer, especially in his room.  
  


_And, oh, wait._ That was not an appropriate feeling. _Just gonna pretend I did not just think that._  
  


But, Lance was attractive. Stereotypical pretty boy with jock energy. The type of boy that at a regular high school Keith would be very attracted to. So, what was stopping him here? Rejection, not really. He could live in the same ship knowing Lance wasn't into him. Maybe it was the impending doom that surrounded them with the threat of Galran forces. Yeah, losing Lance like that would fucking _suck_.

Would it be wrong to be happy for a short amount of time with Lance? Death being at the door aside, was it worth it to throw his worries away just to be with Lance outside of the battlefield and outside of the castle social circle? Just them? Oh boy, what a thought.

If they ended up like Shiro and Adam, would it actually be worth it?

Keith shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He thought back to the Galran ship. That damned ship that was supposed to be a lead to Shiro. That ship where he and Lance were stuck in the room together. Alone. God, it was so tempting then. Keith really thought that they had clicked well, but as soon as they were safe, Lance was back to flirting it up with Allura.

Which was fine. Who was he to control who Lance flirted with? His whole body burned with jealousy, but truly, it was fine.

He just beat the shit out of robots and thought about Lance and Shiro and Adam and Matt. His frustrations were definitely getting to him. Wanting to kiss Lance. Wanting to find Shiro. Wanting to reconnect with Adam. Wanting to find Matt. After all that fighting to rid himself of his frustrations, he locked himself in his room for weeks just to cry and simmer.

Allura was always at the center of Lance’s attention. It fucking _sucked_.

He was not mad at Allura. Just mad at himself for thinking too much about Lance and how Lance treated him.

_Lance_.

The way he held his injured hand so delicately. The way Lance refused to let their conversation die without seeing Keith’s hand first. Understanding Lance and his ways to make Keith give in.

Which was exactly why swimming was a horrible idea. Keith had been to the pool with Lance before, but his scars were covered at the time. He could not cover them now. He used up the last of any sort of waterproof makeup the last time he went swimming on his own as a just in case. Keith wanted to tell Lance. Hell, he wanted to tell all of them.

_How do you just bring that up though? They all think I’m a cis guy. Suddenly saying, “Oh, by the way, I’m trans!” isn’t the best thing to do right now. They may look down on me for it._

Keith paused in his thinking.  
  


Would they? 

  
They accepted Pidge’s story just fine. When Pidge admitted to using she and they as her pronouns, it went just fine.

_They’ve always thought of me as a guy anyway. I doubt it’d change anything. I hope it won’t._

Keith pulled on a tank top anyway as a just in case. He did not exactly want to walk around with them out anyway until he told everyone.

After he finished changing for the pool, he picked up a towel and sat on his bed.

_Gah, I can’t remember if Lance said if he was gonna come get me or not. I wish we had phones._ _  
_ _  
_

Keith played idly with the corners of the towel as he waited. He pulled at a frayed string and ripped it off the towel.

His door opened and caused him to jump.  
  


“You coming?” Lance asked. 

  
“I wasn’t sure if you were coming to get me or if I was just supposed to go,” Keith huffed, heart beating rapidly from getting the life scared out of him.

“Oh, sorry,” he said with a slight laugh, “I guess I didn’t specify, huh?”

_Fuck me,_ Keith groaned internally. _Damn that pretty smile. Damn those dimples. Damn that laugh!_

His head was swimming, quickly replaying that moment before Lance started talking again.

“Well, wanna go?” he asked with a smirk.  
  


“Yeah, I think it’ll be nice.”

~~~

It was not. His anxiousness over his scars worsened. He really was not sure how to explain the nearly gone scars on his chest. _Seriously, how do you just casually bring that into a conversation?_

Lance, however, was looking stunning to Keith. _So unfair._  
  


Keith subtly checked out Lance. How could he not? The guy he was into was shirtless in front of him.

Freckles everywhere, the huge scar on his back from the explosion he saved Coran from, back dimples, slightly muscular.

_Yeah, okay, I can’t get any weirder than this. Checking him out definitely means that he’s more to me than just a teammate out in space. I can lie to myself all I want, but there’s no denying this shit after months of thinking about these things. Damn._

“And, we’re here!” Lance announced with a large grin before throwing his towel aside and running to jump into the pool.  
  


That really snapped Keith out of his thoughts. He watched as Lance practically flew into the pool.  
  


He put his towel aside and went to walk into it before hearing Lance’s loud “Huh?”  
  


“What?”  
  


“You’re not gonna take your shirt off?”  
  


“I- well,” he spluttered, “I just, uh, wanna hide how thin I’ve gotten. From, y’know, not eating?”

Lance seemed to buy it and nodded his understanding. Keith released a breath of relief before he stepped in and shivered at how cold the water was.

“Is there a way to warm it?” Keith called.

“Uh, yeah, lemme go do that. I’m just used to cold water from swimming in the ocean and rivers back on Earth.”

“Thanks.”

Keith watched Lance as he adjusted it. His hands were pretty. Long fingers and covered in freckles. His hands were well taken care of just like the rest of him.  
  


“Is it better now?”

Keith touched his foot to the water. “Yeah, this is perfect.”

Lance ran back full speed and dived back in.

“You’re crazy!” Keith laughed.  
  


“Okay, and who’s up late at night swimming with me? We’re both out of our minds! Get in!”

Keith snorted and then proceeded to fully submerge himself and make his way over to Lance. He raised up for air and shook his hair out of his face before looking at Lance.

He noticed the hue change in Lance’s face. Why was Lance’s face so red? _Eh, he must be warm from the water._

“So, what’s up?”

“Just been missing Shiro and the old Garrison days,” Keith replied while pushing some falling hair out of his face.

“Oh? Care to explain.” It was not even a question.

“Uh, yeah, so Shiro and Adam sorta… adopted me back then after my dad died. I also knew Matt because of them. Uh, Pidge’s brother,” he said softly. “We used to mess with the professors a lot. Matt and I used to play games and get high. Shiro and Adam… wait, you don’t know who Adam is.”

Lance shook his head.

“Okay, well, Adam was Shiro’s boyfriend, fiancé, whatever. They were gross and in love.”

“SHIRO HAD A FIANCÉ?”

“Yeah, they were gross as hell,” Keith laughed. “Shiro’s like an older brother to me anyway, but after my dad died, he took me in and Adam was chill about it because he knew we’re family.”

“Oh yeah! I forget that you two are cousins sometimes.”

Keith nodded with a slight smile, “Yeah, we did too. We were more like brothers than cousins, honestly.”

“I get that. My family’s really close, so my cousins are more like brothers and sisters to me,” Lance grinned.

Keith smiled wider. He dunked himself under and then let himself float up and rest.

After a few minutes, he barely heard Lance speak. He adjusted himself to stand in the water.

“Sorry, what?”

Lance moved closer to him. _Oh, boy._

“Uh, have you really lost a lot of weight?” he asked softly.

Oh.

“Yeah,” he nodded, lying. He really had not lost much of anything.

Lance moved closer. Keith knew his face was getting redder with how close Lance was to him. His hands may be underwater, but they were _definitely_ getting sweaty. His eyes stared into Lance’s face as the other boy’s eyes raked over his body.

“You’re lying to me, boss,” Lance said lowly. “You haven’t lost that much weight at all.”

“How do you know that?” Keith asked. “Do you check me out a lot or something?”

This caused Lance to reel back and let out a flustered mess of words all at once. _What the fuck is happening?_

“Lance…?” Keith tried and reached a hand out.

Lance quickly raised a hand with a finger up as he collected himself. Keith watched him with a concerned look.

“Alright, let me rephrase. You don’t look like you’ve lost any weight since I last saw you weeks ago. I know you ate the sweets I left on those trays of foods. Plus, I gave you three or four a day, so you’ve been eating pretty okay even if it wasn’t all of it,” he explained. “Your cheeks don’t look like they’ve thinned at all to me. So, why are you lying about losing weight? You look just fine to me, leader.”

Well, there goes that lie.

“Plus, you’ve been shirtless around me before, so why keep the tank on?”

_Shit._

“I-”

“If I hear another lie, I’m gonna dunk you.”

“What if I don’t want to tell the truth for personal reasons?” Keith asked quickly, flustered. “Why are you pressing me on this?”

“I’m just confused!” Lance huffed. “You’ve never worn a tank to the pool before, so I’m just confused as to why you’re doing it now.”

“Okay, and?” Keith groaned. “It’s none of your business, Lance.”

Lance’s face fell immediately. _Shit, wrong choice in words._

“So, I can’t worry about you?”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Sounds like it.”

“Lance, please, listen to me. I promise that’s not what I meant,” Keith said quickly while reaching for Lance’s hand.

Lance looked at him, and Keith stopped reaching.

“You were in your room for _weeks!_ ” Lance gritted out. “I was so worried about you. I’m _still_ worried about you!”

“And that’s fine, Lance!” Keith returned. “But, you have to understand that there are parts of me that I’m _not_ ready to reveal yet! Shiro’s the only one that knows about this part of me!” Tears were starting to fall from his eyes. “You have to understand that I’m not ready for some parts of me to be shown yet. They were hidden under makeup, Lance. It’s like how you refused to be shirtless for a while after that scar took its place on your back.”

Lance stared at him, gaze softening.

They stood there in the water in silence, just staring at each other. Keith’s eyes bore into Lance’s. His breathing slowly went back to normal. He noticed Lance was definitely staring at his eyes as well. A sort of understanding formed between them.

“When you’re ready, I’ll listen,” Lance spoke softly while he averted his eyes.

“Thank you, Lance,” he nodded. “I’ll tell you one day. I’m just… not ready yet.”

“Hey, that’s fine. I’m sorry for pushing. I don’t mean to get like that. I’m just really worried about you. Sorry again.”

“It’s okay,” he smiled. “Let’s just swim. We were supposed to do that originally anyway.”

~~~

So much for a relaxing swim. Keith’s legs and arms were sore as hell. Looking back, it was a bad idea for many reasons, but he completely forgot about the possibility of sore muscles from swimming because he had not been doing anything physical to keep him primed.

He stretched out and let out a low groan. Yeah, swimming was a _horrible_ idea.

At least him and Lance were on somewhat better grounds. They had spent the rest of the night swimming and talking about various Earth things they enjoyed and missed.

_“I miss my family a lot. We would have get togethers every weekend. It was really fun,” Lance grinned while grabbing the pool side._

_“Oh, really?” Keith asked while casting him a side look._

_“Yeah, everyone would bring some food. It was really nice,” he nodded. “I remember one year one of my aunts brought a fucking- God, what was it? Shit. Oh! She brought whatever the hell a green bean casserole is.”_

_“Green bean casserole?”_

_“Yeah, her husband’s a white southern guy. She secretly told me he made it. It was so bland. Like, if it had meat and some other vegetables, it would’ve been really good. But, it was just green beans in white gravy with a Saltines crust. It was awful.”_

_“That sounds awful.”_

_“Mhm, it was super salty as well. Like, Saltines crackers are bad enough as is, but all he used was salt. Not even the other basic seasoning of pepper.”_

_“How did you manage it?”_

_“I didn’t!” Lance laughed. “I shoved it all in my mouth and then pretended to go to the bathroom where I flushed it. Her husband looked so proud of himself. I really hope she never lets him cook again.”_

_“When was this?”_

_  
_ _“Just before we found Blue.”_

_Keith nodded._

_“Y’know, Shiro and I would watch a lot of anime and stuff together.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“We were fans of Bleach. Ichigo’s a total badass.”_

_“Oh! I like that one.”_

_“Wait, you watch anime?” he asked, eyes wide._

_“Dude, are you serious? I’m living my magical girl dream out here!”_

_“Oh my God,” Keith giggled. “You can’t be serious.”_

_“Swords, space tech, flying robots? Mecha space girl anime dream,” Lance smirked._

_Keith rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we also really liked watching Naruto.”_

_“Ugh, a man of culture,” Lance fake swooned. “You ever watch JoJo?”_

_“That was on our list. More my list than his. I just liked watching stuff with someone else. He wasn’t as into Bleach as I was.”_

_“Shiro’s not really a sword guy,” Lance shrugged. “He seems more like a taser man.”_

_“Yeah, okay, you got me there,” Keith sighed._

_Some moments passed in silence._

_“We should watch JoJo together when we get back to Earth,” Lance smiled._

_“So long as you watch Bleach with me,” Keith countered._

_“Call it a deal then, nerd.”_

God, Keith could really go for something to watch. He missed anime and movie nights a lot. A relaxing day watching random shit after a night of swimming would be nice.

He sat up and walked to the bathroom to clean himself up despite his muscles screaming at him to stop. He had to move. He would have to get some water and something to eat. He knew there was no getting around it.

He tied his hair back in a low ponytail and brushed his teeth before changing into new clothes. He winced as one of his legs tried to cramp up. Yeah, he _definitely_ needed some water.

Keith rolled his neck as he opened the door. He stopped.

Lance was setting down a plate right as he opened the door.

They both stood there, frozen.

“Oh, you’re coming out,” Lance said, shocked.

Keith nodded awkwardly.

_God, what the hell do I say? What the hell is happening?!_

Keith just bent down and picked up the plate.

“How about we just go back to the dining room?” he offered which caused Lance to nod dumbly.

And so, back to the dining room Lance went with Keith trailing behind.

_This is so awkward,_ Keith thought, physically cringing. _How do I make it less awful?_

By the time Keith was ready to speak, they were already at the dining hall. All eyes fell on them.

“Keith!” Pidge yelled. “Hey, nerd!”

Keith huffed and smiled. It felt nice to hear her again.

“Hey, four eyes,” Keith shot back.

“As rude as ever, I see,” they grinned.

Keith nodded and took a seat next to her and set his plate down. Lance put his water in front of him which caused him to jump slightly.

“Uh, thanks,” he said softly.

Lance nodded meekly and went to sit next to Hunk.

Keith noticed Pidge glancing between the two.

_Shit._

Pidge merely nudged their glasses up and gave Keith a devilish grin. Keith awkwardly smiled back. This was going to be hell.

~~~

“So, Keith,” Pidge started after the dining hall was empty, “what was all that about with Lance?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said firmly.

“ _Please_ , the tension was so thick I could easily cut it,” they groaned.

“Once again, no clue,” Keith shrugged.

“Oh, c’mooon, Keith,” she begged, “you were in your room for so long, and now you’re back with Lance tending to your needs? Seems fishy to me, bud.”

“I think your head’s full of water.”

“Okay, gay boy. Then why did Lance look like he was gonna explode?”

“He did?”

“Oh, Jesus, it’s worse than I thought!”

Keith stared at her as she took her glasses off and put them on the table and dragged her hands over her face. He slightly flinched when they fixed a death glare on him.

“You’re telling me that you have _no_ idea what just happened?” they asked. “You’ve gotta be joking. Please, Keith, tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m afraid I’m not,” Keith laughed lightly.

That was met with another suffering groan from Pidge.

“You’re both so obvious it hurts my soul. You’re killing me, Keith,” she whined.

“Anyway,” Keith sighed awkwardly, “what’s been going on while I was, uh, gone?”

“Not much. Allura’s been trying to pin coordinates of a distress call. It’s really complicated and hard to track, so not much we can do for them yet. Hunk and Coran have been cooking a lot because Hunk wants to teach him how to make things other than that green goop. I’ve been trying to help Allura decode the distress call. I’ve also been trying to develop new tech for the lions. Lance has been… swimming. Worrying about you. Not sleeping well because you’re worrying him. Which, to be fair, none of us have been sleeping well since the incident and since you decided to hole yourself up. We’ve just been really worried about you, man.”

Keith took in a breath through his nose. Well, that was more than he ever expected.

_I shouldn’t have made them suffer like that. I should’ve been around for them. I shouldn’t have hidden away. I don’t wanna hurt them. I don’t wanna hurt them. I don’t wanna hurt them. I don’t wanna hurt La-_

“Oh, sorry, I don’t wanna make you cry. Uh, shit.”

_I’m crying?_

He rubbed his eyes and felt water. Well, he _was_ crying.

“I didn’t notice. Sorry.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize for that. I should’ve been a bit careful with what I said. I mean, we’ve all been going through it recently,” she sighed. “I wanna play games like how I would with Matt,” she quickly changed the subject, “but that requires a game and a gaming system.”

“I used to play games with Matt.”

“Oh? You did?”

“Mhm, on rough days, we’d go to his dorm and get high and play Mario or Sonic,” he smiled.

“God, that sounds like Matt,” they giggled. “What else?”

“We used to prank Iverson a lot,” Keith grinned. “We’d give him so much shit constantly. I remember when we threw food at his face and ran for the hills. I’m surprised we didn’t get kicked out, honestly.”

“I’ve been kicked out of the Garrison before,” they smirked. “I snuck in to find out information on Matt after the Kerberos mission.”

“I dropped out after the Kerberos mission.”

“I enrolled under a fake name just so I could hack their database and find Matt.”

“Ballsy.”

“So far I’d call it a success. I’m in space and have all the tech I could ever hope for to try to find him.”

Keith smiled and nodded.

“I think I’m gonna go swim.”

“Lance might be there, so cover up.”

Keith spluttered at that.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, sorry, I kinda knew. You saying you hung out with Matt reminded me of the fact that he said he got high with a trans dude a lot. I put two and two together. You don’t really have boobs, so I just kinda guessed. Was I right?” Pidge grinned.

“Yeah, but I would have preferred to bring it up myself.”

“Ah, shit. My bad. I won’t tell anyone. I promise!” they said and held out their pinky. “Us gays gotta stick together.”

“Yeah, we do,” he said softly with a smile and linked his pinky with hers.

~~~

Keith entered the pool, tank top on as a just in case. He let himself float and drift off. His brain immediately went to the moment Shiro disappeared.

_Red lights were flaring. The lions were weak. It was a horrible fight from Hell against Zarkon. They just barely made it out._

_Something was not right._

_“Guys, Shiro isn’t responding!” Keith yelled. “We have to go to the Black Lion! Now!”_

_And that’s where it all fell apart. Shiro was not inside at all. There was no trace of him anywhere. His body was nowhere in the cockpit. He was not further inside either. It looked like he just… disappeared._

_“No, no, no, no!” Keith yelled, tears blurring his vision. “You can’t leave me_ again _!”_

_“Keith, buddy-”_

_“No, Lance! Just stop,” Keith growled out. “He’s not in here! Where the fuck is Shiro?”_

_“Keith-”_

_“Lance,_ don’t _! I have to find him. I can’t do it again.”_

_Keith stormed off after that. Searching day and night to try to find a signal for Shiro. Searching endlessly across the local galaxies for any sign of Shiro._

_Anything._

_Anything._

_Nothing._

_Anything._

_Anything. Anything. Anything._ Anything. _Something? No, nothing again. Anything. Any sort of signal of his family._ Anything _that could possibly bring him back. Any one that could’ve seen a man about six-foot tall, Japanese, black hair with a white tuft in the front, a robotic right arm, and a scar across his nose. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Absolutely fucking_ nothing _!_

Keith jolted with a yell that escaped him suddenly. What a nightmare. Good thing no one saw-

Wait.

Keith moved to stand upright. He looked around frantically and spotted a frozen Lance. Great. Just what he needed.

“I’ll just leave!” Lance called and turned to walk out.

“Wait!” Keith yelled.

Lance turned around, confusion all over his features.

“Can you join me?” he asked. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

He thought he was going to _die_ after asking for such a thing, but to his surprise, Lance was in the water faster than he was last night.

Lance surfaced right in front of him and scared him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked after wiping water out of his face.

“Nightmare. I was just floating in the water and passed out. Shiro’s disappearance won’t let me sleep.”

“Ah, I see. Do you wanna do anything?”

_Kiss you._

Ah, there they were. These thoughts of Lance and wanting to kiss his face off. Wanting to run away from this war and go back to Earth. Meet his family. Join those fun get togethers that Lance talked about. Fall in love with Lance even further. Go on stereotypical dates. Taking Lance to his favorite places. Taking Lance to his dad’s grave. Taking Lance to the movies and watching something scary just so he can hold him.

“Keith?”

_Not again._

“Sorry, spaced out.”

“I can tell,” Lance huffed out a laugh. “How about we swim a few laps then talk?”

“Sounds good.”

It was fucking _horrible_ . If Keith’s arms and legs did not hurt before, they _definitely_ did now. At least they were done. His body could not take much more abuse that was swimming after not working out for weeks. His legs screamed at him and his arms felt wobbly.

“Ready?” Lance asked as he pulled himself onto the side of the pool.

“I don’t think I can do that,” Keith whined slightly. “My body hurts so much.”

“I can pull you up,” he offered.

Keith nodded and reached for Lance. Lance grabbed onto his arms and pulled him up and Keith used what strength he had left in his legs to push himself forward. He may have pushed too hard because next thing he knew he was toppled on top of Lance with an awful thud.

“Shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

Keith opened his eyes.

Oh, this was quite the position.

Keith’s chest was pressed up against Lance. Their faces were mere centimeters apart.

_God, if you’re there, why must you torture me so?_ Keith thought while trying his best not to blush like a mad man. _No, seriously. This is absolute torture. Why do you do this to me?_

Keith felt Lance’s breath quicken under him and snapped back to reality.

God, they were _close_. It would be so easy for Keith to just move those couple of centimeters and press his lips to Lance’s. It was so easy. Too easy.

Lance yelped and rolled Keith off of him and stared, wide-eyed and wild.

Something was definitely off between them.

“I don’t wanna assume shit,” Lance started, his breathing still fast and heavy, “but have you felt weird since the day we were stuck on the Galra ship? I haven’t felt right since.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just- I just- shit!” Lance huffed. “Every time I look at you! My chest feels so stupidly tight. I can’t breathe right. I lost so much sleep worrying about you! You were a wreck before the mission, and it scared me. Then after that Galran ship was a bust to find Shiro, you were even _worse_. It was fucking awful watching you suffer!”

Keith’s eyes got considerably wider.

“I just can’t control myself. I worry about you constantly.”

“Lance-”

“It’s like I can’t breathe-”

“Hey-”

“I just can’t help it? You’re just so important-”

“Hey!”

Lance stopped rambling and stared Keith in the eyes.

“It’s like… I have a crush on you. Is that bad?”

Keith’s stomach did about five thousand flips just then. _I must have space madness. There’s no way Lance just said that._

“I just find myself staring at you. You’re just so… pretty. I was so worried sick when you were gone. I didn’t know what to do with myself. You’re, like, the only person that’s done this to me,” he breathed.

“What about Allura?” Keith blurted.

“What about her? She’s just pretty. She shot me down immediately. There’s nothing there. I just mess with her now. We just play a lot. There’s nothing between us,” Lance reiterated.

Keith stared at Lance.

“You’re not messing with me, right? You’re not doing this as some sort of prank?”

“Why would I joke about that? I was going crazy without you around!”

“God, I just wanted to make sure before I did something.”

“Like what?”

Keith grabbed the back of Lance’s neck and pulled him forward and pressed his lips to his. He sighed and melted immediately into Lance. He felt Lance jolt against his hand and then relax.

Lance broke away and scooted closer. He grabbed Keith’s face and planted several kisses all over his face before returning to his lips and breathed in before going for another one.

Keith’s heart pounded rapidly. _Finally, finally, finally, finally!_

Keith grabbed for one of Lance’s hands and smiled into the kiss. His insides fluttered as Lance grabbed his hand back and held it.

Keith pulled away, breathing heavier. He looked at Lance.

“That was okay, right?”

“More than okay!” Lance said with a wide smile. “Are you kidding? Everything makes so much sense now! I’m bi!”

Keith nearly choked.

“You mean you didn’t know before?!”

“No! I had no clue!” Lance laughed. “Wow, that clears up a _lot_. God, you’re cute as hell when you’re flustered.”

“I- hey- no! Don’t change the subject!” Keith hollered.

“What can I say? I’m a hands-on kind of guy,” he smirked.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Keith groaned.

“Oh, c’mon, you liked it!” he laughed.

“No, I changed my mind. I’m no longer attracted to the idiot that is Lance McClain,” he said with a nod.

“Keith!” Lance whined and grabbed his hands. “You can’t do me like that!”

“I can, and I will,” he huffed and looked away.

“What if I beg? Will you come back to me if I beg?” Lance asked while pressing Keith’s hands to his chest.

“What are you? A dog?”

“If you want me to be,” he laughed.

“Oh, God, no,” Keith cringed.

Lance laughed and continued to stare at Keith. He brought his hands to his face and kissed the backs of them.

“Seriously, though, will you be my boyfriend?” he asked softly.

Keith turned his head back to Lance and felt his face turn bright red. His heart fluttered at the word. _Boyfriend_. Lance was going to be the cause of his death.

“Yes or no?”

“Y-yes,” Keith answered softly.

Lance grinned widely and lurched forward to kiss Keith on the forehead.

“My boyfriend’s so pretty. I can’t wait to tell my mom about my _boyfriend_. My pretty boyfriend who’s so great at everything he does. My boyfriend who’s the reason I’m bi. Yeah, my amazing boyfriend who I’m going to take such good care of,” Lance murmured as he pressed various kisses all over Keith’s face.

“Please, Lance, you’re making me blush!” Keith smiled.

“Oh! My boyfriend and his rosey cheeks!”

“Laaance!”

“How about we go on a date soon? I can scout a planet for us,” he asked while biting his lip nervously.

“I’d like that.”

Lance let out a victory whoop at that which caused Keith to giggle.

_Guess I’ll tell him about me being trans another day. I’ll find the right time eventually._

**Author's Note:**

> hihihihi  
> *giggles* i cried while writing this so >:)  
> i hope yall enjoyed it!!  
> inspiration hits me at 1-3 a.m. so most of this was written at that time  
> i also wanna say thank you to my beta readers breezy and moth <3333  
> i appreciate yall reading over it so much!!  
> please tell me how you feel about it!!  
> 


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